Popcorn Ceilings: Real Estate's Version of Pimples

Comments (7)

I'll be the first to admit that I spend an ungodly amount of time watching HGTV and TLC with my mother. One of our favorite shows, The Real Estate Pros (formerly The Real Deal), has actually inspired me to pursue real estate as a career. I absolutely love watching the efficiency of the featured real estate company, Trademark, as they "flip" homes (buy, renovate, and sell for a profit) in the blink of an eye. It's fascinating to observe a successful company that is truly built on teamwork and respect and a whole truckload of decent qualities like that.

Last night, however, as I was watching a rerun with my mom, I took a break from gorging on pizza to ponder the all-important subject of popcorn ceilings.

Who invented them? Why? A quick trip over to Wikipedia proved rather fruitless.

Therefore, I would like to send this open-ended letter to the man or woman who thought it wise to add acne to ceilings...

Dear Mr. or Mrs. Inventor,

What has become of you now that the people of this world are no longer enamored with staring at cottage cheese on their ceilings as they fall asleep at night? Certainly, you still have loyal clients in the hotel industry, but the top Google search results for "popcorn ceilings" are all related to their removal.

Furthermore, what drove you to create, share, and market this product? Surely, if your ceiling was that stained, a good coat of paint would have sufficed just as nicely. Perhaps you were indeed in the middle of such an innocent painting project when a gust of wind kicked up the styrofoam beads which were leaking out of your bean bag chair and thrust them unkindly upon your unsuspecting ceiling. Even then, I would venture to say that you shouldn't have listened to whatever friend told you that this looked "fine!" or "creative!" or "unique." Seeing that this product was first introduced in an era known for great recreational drug use, you should not have trusted the judgment of this person. You should not have trusted your own judgment, either, but I suppose you might not have had the senses about you to form such thoughts for yourself.

In any case, I plead with you to use your inventive genius to formulate a letter of sincere apology to all the poor people of this world who must now spend their valuable time scraping your product of the ceilings of distraught and miserable homeowners.

Yours truly,
Rachelskirts

Let it be noted, however, that I wouldn't mind a ceiling that somehow dispensed popcorn. I'm on my way to see the movie No Reservations tonight, and this would be an especially useful feature in a theater, don't you agree?

intellijen

intellijen

ha! fantastic. i actually think it might be a joint conspiracy between the american dairy association and orville redenbacher... knowing that consumers would be laying in bed staring at the ceiling at any given point, and have an overwhelming urge for cottage cheese and/or popcorn. i am here to testify that, because of my cottage cheese ceiling, i started consuming cottage cheese again after a long hiatus. well done, ADA and mr. redenbacher, well done. behold, the power of subliminal interior design.

Thursday's Child

Thursday's Child

The ceiling at which I stare as I drift off to sleep is covered with popcorn, and sometimes I imagine that the "kernels" are Dippin' Dots, and it makes me sad to see so many of them on the ceiling instead of in my mouth.

Rachelskirts

Rachelskirts

intellijen - Hahah!! Oh my goodness, I love your conspiracy theory! I just wish they'd picked more appealing foods, like chocolate and pizza. That's a ceiling I wouldn't mind drooling over every night...

Tyler (Thursday's Child) - In my opinion, Dippin' Dots always look tastier from a distance than they actually are. Once I've purchased them, I start remember that I don't really enjoy eating them that much. Somehow, I end up buying them once every few years anyway, just to make sure that they're still a waste of my money.

Thursday's Child

Thursday's Child

They're OK, but if they're the ice cream of the future, I figure I should just suck it up because, dammit, I love ice cream.

Rachelskirts

Rachelskirts

I can't really say that I like ice cream that much. I like soft-serve, and I'm okay with frozen custard and whatnot... But I really would rather save myself the brainfreeze* and absorb my calories in the form of pure chocolate or something along those lines.

*And yes, I know that I can put my tongue on the roof of my mouth to help reverse the effects of a brainfreeze.

Honeybuns

Honeybuns

I love the letter. I don't really like popcorn ceilings either. My head hurts when I jump up and try to touch the ceiling with my head only to discover I've been spiked through my skull...

Belinda

Belinda

Sprayed ceilings are all about expediency and economy while building. It takes a kajillion times longer to make a perfectly smooth ceiling, as opposed to just getting in the ballpark and then spraying that bumpy stuff all over the place.

But don't blame the builders, because here's a sad fact--nice touches that make a home more salable, like pretty smooth ceilings and quality crown-moldings, etc., do not give the home any additional appraisal value, which gives the builder little incentive to go to the trouble, unless he/she has a cash buyer lined up ahead of time.

GAH, I'm boring MYSELF.