By James, Who Probably Has a Cute Accent and Slays Dragons for a Living

Comments (8)

Note from Rachelskirts: Today's post is brought to you by James, the hilarious and talented author of The Ink. He was one of the first people to welcome me to the Twenty Something Bloggers group, and I've been loving him and his blog (and his British way of saying things) ever since. I've asked him to guest post for me today on the topic of childhood obsessions in the hopes of distracting the world from my ongoing obsession with sock monkeys.

I made a decision very early in my life that I was far too important to let anything else try and dilute my impact while here on planet earth. So as a young child, when I was given the obligatory stuffed toys, I made a decision straight off that I would not let them steal my limelight in any shape or form. So yes I had Teddy Bears, but I never named them, and I never acknowledged their feelings, or give them any Teddy Bear rights. Instead I would constantly remind them that they were inanimate lifeless objects, and they should and would constantly live in my shadow.

But I do have a secret to disclose, yes an exclusive, a scoop, whatever you wish to call it, right here on Rachelskirts.com. I did have a childhood comfort, and not only that, but I still have it with me, by my side, each and every single day. I am talking about my right thumb. Yes, as a child I was an avid thumb sucker. In fact I sucked my thumb for so long that it became a rather embarrassing secret. I had tried to stop many times, but my thumb seemed to have a little working relationship with my subconscious. So out of nowhere, and with no knowing inducement on my part, it would occur to me my thumb was once again lodged in my mouth. I couldn't stop it.

But one day, my parents, who clearly realised I was far too old to be partaking in such an activity, offered me a reward if I stopped. Now it wasn't any old reward, not some increase in my pocket money, or a bag of sweets, this was the reward to end all rewards. The deal was, if I stopped sucking my thumb for four consecutive weeks I would be bought my very own SHELL SUIT! As incentives went, they couldn't get any bigger than that.

My life changed from that moment on; I knew I had to get that shell suit. I tried my hardest, but the evil team of my thumb and subconscious kept tricking me. But every time I failed, I dusted myself off and thought to myself, 'I can make it four whole weeks, I need to make it four whole weeks, I have to have that all in one shell suit'. The breakthrough came when I turned to dirty tactics and wrapped the offending thumb in electrical tape. That way whenever Mr. Thumb attempted to pass through my lips I would feel the unusual texture of electrical tape, and I could immediately prevent any further encroachment.

Thankfully it worked, and after the four weeks I was presented with the shiniest shell suit you have ever seen. Given my new cool status that the new outfit brought, I knew that I could never return to thumb sucking, which I can report I thankfully never have. What happened to the thumb? Well he still hangs around. I see him quite a lot, but he's much better behaved these days.

Rachelskirts

Rachelskirts

I don't remember much about thumb-sucking, but I'm sure I did it a lot. To this day, I still find myself chewing on almost anything. People think I'm trying to be funny when they see me munching on my student ID card or an empty water bottle, but it's really just that gosh dang subconscious of mine conspiring against me. It will probably be the death of me, really. "Girl dies from random disease picked up by chewing on a stranger's writing utensil! Interview with Juan Pedro the sock monkey at eleven."

golfwidow

golfwidow

I am opposed to thumb sucking. Thumbs, meanwhile, are opposable to it.

I quit thumb sucking cold turkey in kindergarten, but took up smoking some six years later and didn't quit till five years ago.

pinkjellybaby

pinkjellybaby

I never sucked my thumb.... but I had and still have a comforter....blanket. At 24 this is very very sad, but without it, i'd grind my teeth to oblivion and never have a good nights sleep!

I also used to have a bottle of tea every morning (how very English!) but my Mum put it in the dishwasher and it melted.

ps. Hello Rachel!

hills

hills

Am I the only one wondering what colour the shell suit was?

Chiada

Chiada

Oh James, you poor thing. Well, I sucked two of my fingers on my right hand: my index and middle finger. Up until I was around 9 years old! There, I admitted my age. The deal was, I could only get my ears pierced if I stopped sucking my fingers. And my mom would know if I had because I had these welts on my fingers that were from sucking them. When the welts were gone on a permanent basis I was allowed to get my ears pierced. And everyone knows how badly a young girl wants to be hip with pierced ears. It took me awhile, though. I even sucked them with yucky tasting stuff I'd paint onto my nails.

Ryan

Ryan

I had a childhood obsession with hitchhiking.

This author should be thankful they still have their thumbs.

Thursday's Child

Thursday's Child

I never sucked my thumb, but I chewed on the neckline of my T-Shirts all the time. They always got all wet and nasty, and it was a really good thing when I broke the habit just before seventh grade.

zak

zak

I never sucked my thumb; my mother's biggest concern was my preference for crawling backwards, rather than forwards. It became a problem when I started learning how to handle stairs, since it helps to see where you're going.