Voted Most Likely to Become a Cat Lady

November 01, 2008 @ 04:29 PM • Comments (10)

I have no desire to have kids. None whatsoever. Babies are no good at pillaging or plundering, and they require way too much maintenance. Also, I'm not real keen on gaining a bunch of weight and a handful of stretch marks and a craving for pickles. I don't want to force eight pounds of kicking, screaming flesh and bones from my womb, and the idea of breast-feeding wigs me out.

If I am required to have people younger than myself living in my household, I would prefer to skip the first four or five years of life and pick up when they start getting useful. By five years old, a youngster would be capable of bringing me bon-bons in bed, coloring with me (crayons only! no markers!), and watching cartoons with me. Not sure how well they'd operate a cannon, but I bet we'll find out on MythBusters sooner or later.

The idea of adoption is a lot less intimidating than the idea of pregnancy, and the lone soft spot in my crinkly old heart wouldn't really mind adopting an older child. That's probably a by-product of Little Rachelskirts reading (and crying through) too many books about ten-year-old orphans who have given up all hope of being picked, though, so I'm not sure how serious Old Grumpyskirts will be about making that happen.

Anyway, seeing that I'm single and live with my parents, all of that is a long way off and isn't something I spend much time thinking about. However, I was scrolling through some of the more recent posts on Mighty Goods this morning, and I came across the only good reason I have ever found for having a toddler on hand—dressing it up like a sock monkey. Well played, internet. Well played.

chris
chris

Could you not dress up a dog/cat/other four-legged beast as a sock monkey? Just a thought.

Also, if you wait until they're 18 to adopt them, they're sometimes maintenance-free by that point. (Says the lazy me, who also has no inclination to ever have kids.)

Jace of Fuse!
Jace of Fuse!

I'll leave out all of the baby cookbook jokes because... well...

...

...actually I don't have a good reason. I'm just lazy.

raeleigh/bsg
raeleigh/bsg

i told my mom last night that i'm dressing my children as farm animals for at least the first three years of their lives. not just on halloween. i'm just going to be dragging tiny sheep and pigs around because they're SO DAMN CUTE. :)

maybe our cold black catlady hearts have just a spot of pink. ;)

Michael
Michael

You're just in denial. Admit it. Plus, if you ARE going to be the Crazy Cat Lady, then you would be the person that the 10 year old orphans would be scared of, even if they are grateful for being adopted.

blaez
blaez

on this note we are totally opposite.

i can not wait for morning sickness (ok maybe not that) but the fact that mine and joe's love created a perfect little baby. and yea it'll cry and it'll tantrums and keep us up all night for the first year or so of its life. and birth will most likely be the most and only painful event i'll ever feel.

but i can't wait to be a mommy. i can't wait to share my life and knowledge with a child. i can't wait to hold my baby in my arms and tell him/her how much i love them.

can you imagine how awesomely adorable a mini pirate (baby pirate) would look? i can see it now: a bottle shaped like an old rum bottle with the XXX on it and everything

Angela
Angela

My friend Steph wants to adopt for about the same reasons...

Elizabeth Marie
Elizabeth Marie

You and I have this in common. I have no desire to have children whatsoever. I think maybe I just didn't get that particular gene because the idea of being pregnant completely freaks me out and that's also a commitment I really am not interested in making. Besides. If I have kids how will I travel/write/have sex in the middle of the day?

I think they have a club for this somewhere too. With hats.

Elizabeth Marie
Elizabeth Marie

You and I have this in common. Kids are a definite "No" for me. Not really something I'm interested in committing to in my life. Besides. If I have kids how will I write/travel/have sex during the day? Seriously.

Also. I think they have a club for this. With hats.

Jenn
Jenn

My cats will be my children. My current cat pretty much is my baby.

Ren
Ren

Lets be Cat Ladies together! I love the idea of having a fellow friend of mine smelling like a litter box. Fun times.