Internet, I have something tasty and drunk for you, and her name is Hannah "Harto" Hart.

What, you've already seen My Drunk Kitchen? Every episode? Even the newish one about tacos? I don't believe you.

As I was saying, Harto is some precious gold, recently discovered in the mines of YouTube. Her haircut is eerily similar to my own, and she has as much success in the kitchen while completely plastered as I do while completely sober. (Truth: my fingers tried to type "slowber" there.)

Favorite quotes. In bullets. Because that is what blogging is all about, munchkins.

• "The first thing you should do is . . . not be drunk while you're cooking. Just saying. Safety advisory. Maybe you should've gotten a burrito."
• "And then you add . . . fire."
• "It's important to remember when you're cooking to use food."
• "Is there cheese sauce on me? That's a good line to pick somebody up."
• "Here's some more advice. Take a nap!"
• "Mmk, cheese is trapped. So you can't have cheese."
• "Download a cookie recipe off Kazaa."
• "At this point in the process, I can only assume it was a typo, and they meant to say 'cram.'"
• "Okay, so I don't have a cookie pan, but I have this . . . this . . . kind of pegboard."
• "Why do so many grandmas insist they have perfect meatball recipes?"
• "Brunch people whine about problems that aren't actually problems. So let's do a little bit of that!"
• "If you have a dream, you should have it in your heart face."
• "I bet I can out-crawl-under-tiny-spaces you."
• "This cheese is great, Ted!"
• "The taco is the most versatile fruit."

And as a bonus, I'm including an episode guide!

• Episode one: the one without the cheese.
• Episode two: the cheese is in London.
• Episode three: cheese is trapped!
• Episode four: cookies! (and some extra swearing!) (and extra funny!) (and the first episode I saw!)
• Episode five: Mario!
• Episode six: brunch!
• Episode seven: tacos!

I recommend starting with episodes three, four, and seven. You're welcome.