Turning in My Good Girl Badge

Comments (10)

Working at a church, there are a few things I expect to hear on a daily basis.

  • A sincere version of "how are you doing?"
  • "The baptismal is filling itself again. That thing is possessed."
  • "The printer won't cooperate. That thing is possessed."
  • "I [am / will be] praying for you."
  • "Grawr! Enough with the Comic Sans already!"

I was not at all prepared, however, for what came out of my pastor's mouth yesterday.

He walked into my office to hand me a birth announcement. I publish the weekly church bulletin, and we always include a note about any new babies who have been born to those in the congregation. My office roomie, meanwhile, had received the original phone call from the first-time grandfather, also a church member. Jokingly, she began quizzing the pastor for details to see who had better "intel."

"How much does she weigh?" my roomie asked. The pastor quickly rattled off the correct answer.

"What's her middle name? Was she early or late? Was she delivered normally?" My pastor fumbled a bit, but he did nail every answer.

After a few more rounds, though, he whipped out a mischievous look and crumpled up the candy wrapper that was in his hand. He declared, "What kind of a quiz is this, anyway?" and chucked the wrapper playfully at my office roomie. She was clearly stunned, as my pastor is usually more serious during the week, devoting much of his time to studying.

We all three burst out into laughter, which caused yet another coworker to stumble into the scene. At this point, the pastor was on the way out the door. He paused, however, upon seeing my collage of pictures on the wall.

"Whoa, Rach," he said. "What's with all the boys on the wall? Any of those a 'special boy'?"

My face immediately turned fourteen shades of red.

"Uhh, well, no. They're . . . uh . . . my friends from --"

My coworker interrupted. "That's Rachel's harem."

Fourteen more shades of red.

Surprisingly, my pastor laughed uproariously. "Oh wow. So how does that work, Rachel. Do you rotate through them somehow? A little 'flavor of the day' thing going on?"

From red to purple. And then I died. And so did everyone else, but they were dying from laughter instead of embarrassment. It was easily the highlight of everyone's day, and I have yet to hear the end of it.

Now if any other person on the planet had made that comment, I would've been only a skosh embarrassed. But the fact that my own pastor, the very man who preaches godly and biblical virtues from the pulpit every week, thinks I'm a whore? Or possibly a pimp? Or maybe both? That will officially scar me for the rest of my life.

Angela

Angela

I always have way more male friends than female friends, too. And I think I'd be equally mortified if someone called them my harem. And in front of a pastor? Yeesh.

Sorry you had to go through that.

But I don't think you need to hand in your good girl card. I think you can hold onto that for the moment.

Honeybuns

Honeybuns

If you are turning in your good girl card, then you must give me a call and fly to California for the summer... Better yet, go back to Texas in the fall!

Ben

Ben

Ahahahahaha! Now if a pastor around here would spend an hour roasting people in the congregation, I would probably go to church.

Gilligan

Gilligan

Heheh. And don't fret, no need to turn in your good girl card yet, I'm not on the wall. ;-)
But I do hope beyond hope you'll be coming back to Texas this fall. We'll all have a blasty blast! Which I'm sure is what you're doing this weekend. Have a great one!

Joel

Joel

Not knowing the guy, I can say from personal experience it's just possible he didn't mean it that way. I've embarrassed myself very badly more than once joking and using phrases that I later found out had very crude connotations. Your pastor's idea of a harem, for example, may be just a fuzzy antiquated story-book picture of a bunch of heavily veiled women sitting around on pillows.

seven

seven

Hehe... hoo hoo hoo... This might be the funniest story I've heard all day. Harem... your pastor sounds awesome. I love it.
That said, I feel for your red face. I'm sure you look lovely as a tomato, though.

Thursday's Child

Thursday's Child

That's all LeTourneau is anyhow. Just a big ole harem.

Or something.

Team Christmas

Team Christmas

Sweet! Ive always wanted to be part of a harem.

Nat

Nat

ha ha that is classic. Priests/Pastors can be pretty amusing sometimes. We have on the radio here the coolest Priest ever Father Bob he does a show with John Saffron, who is an atheist and did a whole series on checking out religions (great show). They work magically together and some of the things that come out of Father Bobs mouth you just wouldn't expect.

Smurfette Mama

Smurfette Mama

OH that WAS a GOOD day! I never knew that so many shades of red existed. Not to mention the 'flavor of the day' comment from our very own Pastor! I'll never look at him the same way. :)