When I am queen, people who send spam emails will be forced to survive by selling their own products to one another. Take that, Mr. Discount Viagra and Mrs. Quality Replica Watches! Hope you enjoy getting ripped off by Prince Zumbaba and his $500 imaginary gift cards to Starbucks!
If that doesn't work, I guess I'll just have to bop them over the head, tell them not to scoop up any more field mice, and take away their internet access for the rest of eternity.
P.S. Wondering why my posts are backdated at the moment? Wonder no more.