I Don't Usually Hold With Foreign Food

Comments (7)

I like simple meals. My dinner tonight consists of a piece of bread, two slices of American cheese, and a glass of milk. Lunch was a helping of tuna spread across some crackers, also served with milk. A bagel hastily shoved down my gullet on the drive to school this morning had to suffice as breakfast.

This unrefined palette lends itself well to one of several careers: professional bachelor, professional college student, or professional five-year-old. I have high hopes for that last one.

Of course, I have really been embracing my destiny as a cat lady as of late, which would seemingly be in direct conflict with a career as a youngster. However, as I was desperately trying to take my mind off of the nearby mosquito whilst showering this morning, I was struck with the odd realization that I have no idea what a cat lady's diet looks like. I would imagine that she would fix dainty foods, the kind usually reserved for a fancy tea or a Thumbelina-themed birthday party. She would eat alone in her formal dining room, ten or so plump kittens snoring at her feet, as she slowly picked the foods from her plate. The dishes would be her finest china, the type that can neither be microwaved nor put in the dishwasher, adding the menial task of hand-washing dishes to the to-do list she would keep pinned to the refrigerator next to the cat-a-day calendar and a Christmas card from 1997.

Then again, this is all just speculation.

chris

chris

Damn. I wish my high school guidance counselor had known about the professional five-year-old option. Professional bachelor is too much work.

Jenn B

Jenn B

This just reminded me of the commercial for an aged cheddar cheese. It's a fancy old lady that has a huge spread of elegant foods on fine china. She's letting her cat sample everything, cooing and baby talking to the pussy, until it comes to the aged cheddar. Then she swats and hisses at the cat, and pushes it off the table, claiming the cheese to be hers and too good for the cat.

Basically, if you like aged cheddar cheese, you would be that kind of crazy cat lady, based on this entry.

Elizabeth Marie

Elizabeth Marie

The only thing you forgot is to use some of that fine china for the kitties. A little saucer of milk at each of the other empty place settings. Yay for cat ladies!

Michael

Michael

...but this Elvish stuff... it's not bad!

Angela

Angela

Funny, because I always thought a crazy cat lady ate frozen tv dinners or ordered takeout every night...

MajalisBlooms

MajalisBlooms

I imagined that a crazy cat lady would eat a lot of processed foods, but accidentally put in some of the dry cat food for flavor...Mmm

Edi is Better

Edi is Better

We all know that Cat Lady (hereafter referred to as CL) eats tuna, just like her cats, and just like you.
Embrace it.