Dream Jobs


When I left Tennessee, I resigned from two jobs, church and state: playing piano for my church and processing mountains of paperwork for the state department of transportation. I might end up looking for similar positions elsewhere in the country, or I may jet off to England and marry a duke. I haven't really decided, but I did dream up a few fresh options this week. Feel free to hire me as:

  • the person who straightens the platters on “the gingham altar” for the technical bake section of GBBO (between when the bakers bring them up and the judges see them)
  • a selfie consultant*
  • the senior curator for a museum of hedgehog photography
  • a digital organizer—someone who will rename all of your chaotic files and put them in perfectly logical folders
  • the official Instagram influencer for Panera Bread

*People actually ask me about this more than I care to admit, but the real secret is to be very vain (and clean your camera lens).