The app that I use as my alarm clock and to track my sleep also allows me to monitor what my mood is when I wake up—mad face, meh face, or happy face—and I don't think I have ever once selected the happy face. I'm sure there's a motivational poster out there that wants me to believe that I need to change my job or get a boyfriend or drink more green tea because then I'll love waking up every day. But if you asked me to take that same poll at three in the afternoon, I'd totally vote for the happy face.

I simply don't like mornings.

(But I wouldn't mind some tea, if you're offering.)