I haven't shared a collection of my favorite tweets since February 2012, so if you hate this sort of thing, I apologize for doing this to you twice in one decade. Twitter has been on my mind a lot this month, though, mostly because it's how I was first introduced to some people seven years ago. It's still a huge part of how I meet and connect with friends, it's the one site I watch during important events, and it's my go-to place for entertainment when I wake up every morning. In short, I love Twitter. So without further ado, here are some of the tweets I loved the most in October 2014:
"What if I told you we now have the technology to DEEP FRY OUR VERY SOULS [TED Talk audience explodes] [America high fives itself to death]"
"'Mommy, can we read the rest of the poop book?' We own a book about poop that is too long to read in one sitting."
"Pretty insensitive how the early bird instagram filter is based what the world looks like to victims of horse tramplings."
"Million dollar idea: batting gloves that don't need to be adjusted and tightened after every pitch."
"i'm pretty sure the answer, but to be clear, 'bishes' is just like a cool new way to say 'bitches'; it's not the name for female fishes?"
"I'm up late, I'm on the Internet, and I'll be honest, I'm not even in the same time zone as sober"
"If you don't have prematurely grey hair, good luck being the CEO of anything."
"your password must contain at least one lie society told you and one dream you gave up for the financial means to survive"
"You Probably Heard Around the Office We've Been Making a Lot Of Difficult Cutbacks, Charlie Brown"
"Have You Engaged With Any Brands Lately, Charlie Brown?"
"This Product Was Manufactured in a Factory That Also Processes Wheat, Charlie Brown"
"Coffee Is For Closers, Charlie Brown"
*Disclaimer: I do not follow these people, so I do not know if they are joke thieves or legitimately great humans. Follow at your own risk.