Sageskirts Advice: Wisdom Teeth Edition
SuperSanko, my little brother, is having surgery tomorrow to remove his wisdom teeth. I suffered through the same process four years ago, so I thought I'd share some sisterly advice:
- Wendy's has the best ice cubes. They are crescent-shaped and fit nicely inside your cheeks. I don't know what fart machine Taco Bell uses to produce their ice turds, but don't even go there. You'll be extremely disappointed in the taste, texture, and shape.
- Make sure you pass out before they start asking any embarrassing questions. I was fortunate in that they asked me what school I was attending at the time and how to spell the name. L-e-T-o-u-r-n-e-a-u. I slurred my way through the first five hundred vowels and then crashed. I have no memory of what happened after that; I just woke up in another room with some teeth and possibly a kidney missing.
- Wendy's scores another point here for the invention of the Frosty. That mofo is a great thing to have around when your mouth is too sore to open.
- That applesauce has been sitting in the cupboard since 1994, but you'll be desperate enough to think about eating it. Don't.
I'm sure I'm missing a few tips, but the important stuff to remember is: love Wendy's, watch a lot of TV, and completely take advantage of the parents and their kindness for as long as possible. Good luck, little brother!