Sober in Milwaukee: Stains on the Welcome Mat

Chase Tower Parking
Chase Tower Parking | Flickr

The drive into Milwaukee was strange. The road we were supposed to take was closed for construction right outside the city. The detour road also wound up being closed. Then the detour ramp from there was closed. We even saw a sign saying that a sidewalk was closed. (Note to Wisconsin: This was not very welcoming. We were sad that you hated us so much.)

We planned to start our trip with a boat tour of Lake Michigan. Since we couldn't check in to the hotel for several hours, we needed to park public parking for our van.

And that's how we came to experience the scariest little parking garage I have ever seen. Low ceilings. Weird ramps. Warning signs everywhere. (Again, not very welcoming, Wisconsin.) My whole family was screeching and poking our heads out the windows, placing bets as to whether or not we'd be leaving Milwaukee with the roof of our van intact. In the end, we were a confused and exhausted bunch, trading nervous laughs with the other van full of brave souls who had followed us into the parking garage.

Door and Stairs
Door and Stairs | Flickr

But once we got out of the car, things did not get any better. The elevators were out of service. We passed this poor confused doorway in the stairwell that thought it was a bridge and/or an elevator. It was neither. Oh, and the stairs didn't even take us to the street level. We had to scurry down a car ramp to get out. At this point, I turned to my family and said, "Man, I bet this would be funnier if we were drunk." If only I had known...