In Which Obesity and Poverty Just Got Easier


Chase just sent me a new credit card in the mail today, and it has one of those little chips in it that says, "I'm too lazy to actually swipe my card and sign my name. I would like an easier way to bury myself in debt. Perhaps I can just prop my fat rolls against the counter here, so the magic card reader can detect the magic fairy dust in my piece of plastic." All I have to do is half-heartedly hold my card near the reader and wait for some lights to flash. That's it. What does that mean for me? Buying my weight in tacos and cinnamon twists will now require zero effort. Awww yeah. Time to go stimulate that economy.