One Ring to Cure Them All


Dear Frodo Baggins,

My ear has really been bugging me lately. Actually, it's the area directly behind my left earlobe. Some dull, stabby pain has been distracting me for two weeks, but I'm too afraid to go to the doctor. I don't really want to know what's wrong.

Last night, I was drooling over your hotness in The Fellowship of the Ring, and I felt the urge to lay my head down on its right side. Within moments, the pain behind my ear began to subside. By staying that way throughout the entirety of the movie, I was able to get several hours of relief.

I'd like to think that this was your idea, which you telepathically communicated to me. Thanks, love. You're the bestest.

And now that I've convinced most of the internet that I have not only lost my marbles but have also possibly swallowed them or stuffed them up my nose, I am going to go watch you in The Two Towers. The puddle of drool on my blanket has sufficiently dried from last night, and my ear is starting to hurt again.

See you soon, darling!

Much love,