Quite Content to Be a Noun


When I explain to people that I've had a difficult time picking a major and sticking to it in college, they ask what my interests are. I'll sigh and respond, "English, history, math, marketing, foreign languages, music, and a few others." Because it would be completely illegal for them to not offer their advice at this point, every single one will ask, "Have you considered teaching?"

Wow! No! You're the first person to suggest that! Problem solved. Thanks, buddy!

In reality, there's no way I could teach. I have less patience than most two-year-olds, and I can't imagine that would be useful in a classroom setting. I've pictured the scene in my head many times, and I always end up throwing a book or a white board marker at the student in the back who can't learn to spell "onomatopoeia."

That said, I'm not always sure how to handle myself at work these days, where I've been turned into a verb and hailed as "a wizard," "the bestest," and "the smartest person ever."

Really, I just paid attention in third grade and picked up a few tips about Microsoft Office. Also, I live at a computer, so I know how to use one. If not, I know how to use Google. So, if those are truly the qualifications for being "the bestest," well, fine. But man, Mozart is going to be so disappointed.

Things I (patiently) taught my coworkers last week:

  • How to resize a textbox in Publisher.
  • How to insert a right tab (or any tab) in Word and drag it around on the ruler.
  • How to justify text in Word or Publisher.
  • Shortcut functions like CTRL+Z, CTRL+Y, CTRL+C, etc.
  • How to open a new tab in a browser.
  • How to switch between tabs in a browser.
  • How to open a program from the Start menu.

So. Yeah. That vacation can happen any time now.

P.S. This entry is not at all meant to be a slam against my coworkers. They're great! I just wish I had the patience to teach them what they need to know. :(