Silence Will Fall


There are two types of sounds that make me unreasonably irritable in a matter of seconds:

  1. Noises made by people who are eating food or drinking beverages. Slurping, licking, sipping, crunching, masticating, grinding, etc. Take your celery sticks and carrots and potato chips and chewing gum and your whole pantry to another zip code before I knife you.
  2. The sound of cats or dogs cleaning themselves with their tongues. Does Etsy sell showers for kittens yet?