I don't normally use this space to go on a rampage against people who have wronged me or companies that have screwed me over, but I have been asked to write up a little hate note on behalf of my best friend. Mess with a friend, and I WILL CUT YOU. With words. On my blog. Here goes.
My beloved friend just returned from Iraq a few weeks ago. The poor thing has been working twelve-hour shifts every day for months on end, and all he wanted when he got back to the States was to take his dad to a Steelers game. He gave you way too much money, sang to you about pirates at night, sent you pictures of his sweet new "skillz" three-finger ring, and promised to go to New York with you. He is a good person like that. In return, you gave him the wrong tickets! Tickets for seats that were like thirty yards in the crappier direction! What the heck?
To make matters worse, you only refunded him $35 for each ticket, which left him still paying twice as much as the people next to him. And oh yeah, he was still in the wrong seats!
I hereby spit on you and hope you have to work on Thanksgiving this year. I hope your grandma forgets to buy you a birthday present, and I hope you stub your toe. I hope you get shampoo in your eye tomorrow and are too distracted to put on deodorant. I hope nobody tells you about the spinach in your teeth. Also? Those pants totally DO make you look awful because you ARE awful.
Don't ever mess with my friends again.
No love for you at all,