You Are the Only Exception


A month ago today, I celebrated my 25th birthday. As many people pointed out, I now have the option of stating my age as "one-quarter of a century," which is thrilling for all of ten minutes and then absolutely, gut-wrenchingly terrifying. The prospect of old age is super scary once you acknowledge that senior citizens are pretty much decomposing in front of your very eyes. Goodbye, skin cells! Farewell, liver cells! It was nice knowing you, Mr. Ashy McAsherson, who is now blowing away in the wind!

That said, I would like to extend my heartfelt thanks to Adam, Sean, Nick, gRegor, Jeremiah, Erica, Erini, Zach, and Pimp for making Skirtsapalooza a refreshingly youthful time. No old-people complaints were registered about the cupcakes ("Thank you, deary, but I'm not eating sugar this week!"), during the long walks between destinations ("My knees are broken!"), or after I dreamt up the scandalous idea to sneak Play-Doh into the movie theater ("Trix are for kids!"). In fact, y'all managed to give me twelve straight hours of childlike joy and merriment, and for that, you deserve another round of cupcakes. And bacon. And bacon cupcakes.

In the meantime, please enjoy this bulletproof list of key thoughts I've had since my birthday:

  1. Trying new video games is tedious. I am content to play The Sims and Mario Kart exclusively for the rest of my life.
  2. I have officially been playing piano for 80% of my life. There is very little chance that I will be able to say the same thing about being married. How oddly depressing.
  3. Life is too short. I should drink more chocolate cake shakes from Portillo's.
  4. In case of a quarter-life crisis, I can now rent a getaway car / escape pod.
  5. That Paramore song is really catchy.
  6. There is no time like the present to be SUPER FABULOUS.
  7. I sincerely hope that John Stamos' new role in Glee will bring about a surge of activity at