All Shall Love Me and Despair (Again*)


A few weeks ago, my dear friend, Tyler Fontaine, unwittingly helped me write the most accurate description of myself (as I picture myself in my own head). I would rewrite this text message conversation as my Internet bio, but I much prefer luring people in with sock monkeys and cinnamon rolls and hobbits before I reveal my true colors.

Rachelskirts: I am over-socialized. I am annoyed by one person in particular. I might also be PMS-ing. It's a very terrible but also very apathetic mood.
Tyler: Yikes. It's a perfect storm.
R: It's a fucking nightmare. That scene where Galadriel gets all scary? That's me always. But definitely moreso today than most days.
T: Does somebody have a case of the power lusts?
R: This cannot be news to you.
T: It isn't. I actually assume you're slightly green and deep voiced about 75% of the time.
R: And then gracefully shuffling between one tree and another the other 25% of the time?
T: Yes.
R: Except replace "tree" with "Internet device."
T: And replace "gracefully" with "shoutfully."

*You already loved me and despaired back in 2008. I'm honestly surprised that's the only other time I've tried to use that quote as a title for a blog post. You can be damn sure I'll be using it as the title of my autobiography, though.