Celebrating My Birthday in the Pen Aisle


If you have Meijer stores in your area, you might have seen a commercial recently that depicts two children reacting with sheer joy when their mother brings home school supplies. The voiceover points out that the children are only reacting that way because they are paid actors. Then the narrator says something that makes me so furious that I clench my hands into fists every time I hear it: "Your kids will never get this excited about school supplies. So why pay more than you have to?"

Do you know what I did for my birthday this year? I went back-to-school shopping, even though I am dropping out of school. DIE IN A FIRE, MEIJER.

For as long as I can remember, back-to-school shopping has been my favorite excursion of the year. Unlike the kids in that commercial, I never let my mom do the shopping without me. I was always leading the way, stopping in every aisle twice, just to make sure I didn't overlook the perfect pencil or the most prestigious day planner or the best spiral-bound notebook. My mother would try to limit the items I would purchase, and I would cleverly avoid her limits by asking for the extra items as birthday presents. (I felt so lucky to have a birthday in early September.)

Some of you might remember that I even worked as a cashier for a year at Office Depot. I was so animated when talking about pens and stationery in my interview for the position that I startled (read: disturbed) the store manager and the front-end manager.

People, I love school supplies.

Even if I'm now at a place in life where I must refer to them as office supplies, I love staplers and clipboards and reams of paper and half-inch binders and two-inch binders and good heavens, my fingers are tripping over each other trying to keep up with my excitement.


Anyway, if you ask me what I did for my birthday yesterday, I probably won't mention the trip to Staples because 1) I cheated on Office Depot and 2) I can't talk about it without hyperventilating. And definitely don't get me started on the fact that I watched Return of the King with my parents or that I had Giordano's pizza and my mom's goo bars for dinner tonight.

P.S. Link to the Meijer video, for any curious monkeys in the audience.