My Dear 2009,

You already smell so fresh and promising, like clean sheets and autumn breezes and other things often found in laundry commercials. We've started off nicely, with an organized closet and clean clothes and a shower and shaved legs (in the middle of winter!) and healthy foods. On the other hand, I sense that this dreamy romance of ours could be rather short-lived, since unpleasant circumstances and responsibilities are piling up at work and school. I am skeptical, 2009. I have been burned before, and I'd rather not have that happen again.

That said, let's get around to laying down the ground rules. Play close attention, or you too will end up in eternal time-out.

Rule #1: Since it seems that I can't get through a year without a Hell Week, let me once again limit the number of Hell Weeks allowed to one (1) per year. The tradition is that these things occur some time in the Spring, but I beg of you not to throw anything nasty at me during finals, mmk? I'd like to graduate before I'm forty, so I can't risk failing my exams because of your poor timing on the Hell Week thing.

Rule #2: Again, consider it one of your main goals to rock my socks off. I finally organized my sock drawer last week, so you can even rock matching pairs of socks from my feet. Sounds fun, huh? Well, trust me, it is. Let's get started on this part right away.

Rule #3: Take care of my friends and family. 2008 received a grade of EPIC FAIL on this rule, and I will cut you if you follow that same path. There are some really nifty people in my life, both online and off, and I have no desire to see them cry. Pirates are no good at comforting people in distress or at curing cancer, so just play nice.

Last year, I had the crazy goals of blogging daily and exercising daily. I failed at both, but I did blog more in 2008 than in any other year. (Maybe. I didn't actually verify that. Just pretend.) So in 2009, I'd like to commit to blogging and exercising three to five times per week. That seems reasonable, and it will hopefully help me to feel guilty less often. Pirates are no good at feeling guilty.

Anyway, 2009, you have your rules. Obey them, and I will give you a pot of gold, a kiss on the mouth, and a partridge in a pear tree. (Pirates are definitely good at kissing.)

God bless, my sweet 2009, and best wishes to all who will be enduring it with me.

Happy New Year!