Another Year-End Post Sponsored by Sparkling White Grape Juice


So long, 2008. And to some degree, good riddance.

I really can't say too many bad things about a year that included yetis, avenging my childhood by downloading and watching The Phantom Tollbooth, my Sim-tastic marriage to Frodo Baggins, and the discovery of (What Would Uncle Jesse Do?) all in the first month. Then again, you broke my heart by failing to bring me together with 2007's Panera Kyle or this year's Cute Tuesday Boy.

I'm too lazy to flip through the rest of the archives to remember what else happened, so let's skip to the performance review. Now, I gave you some pretty clear instructions, and I'd like to know what exactly was so difficult to understand about Rule #3. A lot of my friends had fairly terrible years, losing jobs and dealing with miscarriages and suffering from severe illnesses and grieving the loss of loved ones. I don't really mind so much that you gave me a Hell Week—I think I'm getting used to them now—but I do need to give you a b'massive scolding for beating up my friends and family so badly. You are so totally getting put on the naughty list for that. In fact, you're also on time-out, so go find a corner and be quiet for the rest of eternity.

Anyway, thanks for the job and the education and the fish and the sock monkey and the friends and the family and even the make-out sessions, but I think you could've tried a little harder to rock my socks off, 2008. Hopefully, 2009 will learn from your mistakes.

Much love (but not really),