Why I Shouldn't Read the News


If I don't die peacefully in my sleep after one hundred years of piracy, then I would like to die in some way that makes for a kick-ass obituary. Getting mauled by a tiger at a zoo would do just fine. I love tigers, and what kid wouldn't be impressed to hear that Aunt Rachel met her end whilst struggling to escape from the jaws of a ferocious kitty cat? As a bonus, that would make for a really cool blog post for all you lovely people who know me online.

In case Heaven has internet access, though, I'd prefer the whole "dying peacefully in my sleep" routine.